In relationships, a lot of people struggle with preserving their identity. We get wrapped up in the new of it all and consume ourselves within one another. This is not intentional at all. We take this time to learn our partner and adapt to their lifestyle, often compromising key components or our own character. This is why most relationships plummet so quickly. Though compromise and some changes are to be expected, when dating someone new. We must remember to keep some changes minor.
Anything too drastic will become a red flag and fuel the relationship with doubt.
We focus so much on being this person (that our partner is going to want), that we often times forget who we are. We begin distancing ourselves from friends, going to different places, listening to new music & much more. We do this in such a way that we don’t seem to notice. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, just so long as it’s growth and not just change. After a certain point of compromise you, yourself, will begin to feel as if something’s missing and won’t be able to figure out exactly what. Your partner will notice this as well. You guys may fight more at this point or lose interest in one another.
Prevention
Maintaining separate identities is important. Your similarities are what provides comfort and compatibility but it is differences that cause you to challenge one another as well as learn and grow from each other. With no prospects for growth, your relationship may not be as fulfilling to you. It’s okay to compromise and do things to make your partner happy but make sure you’re happy also! Let them pick what you watch, fine; also make sure you continue to watch the things you enjoy.
They like mushrooms, you like pineapples? Get 1/2 & 1/2. As silly as that seems, those are the little things that begin to take a large toll on you.
Canceling plans!
I, myself, am guilty of canceling plans. There have been times I’ve had plans set up, weeks in advance, and canceled because my partner made some of their own. Now in doing this, you give your partner the upper hand and sense of control in the relationship. It’s okay to maintain a life aside of them. You have to continue as you did before them while accommodating them into your life. This is one of the biggest challenges faced by people in relationships. We don’t want to disappoint or make our partner feel unimportant so we often make extra sacrifices to show them that they matter.
There are other ways in doing this. When together show interest in them. Acknowledge their opinion, give feedback in conversations, give them your attention while with them. These are just a few ways to go about that. If you and your friends go out once a month or even a week, don’t stop that because of your partner. Now this is different if there’s an issue of respect involved; we must always honor one another. Be mindful to their feelings and emotions. Pay attention to your partner and learn them.
Learning your partner can work out in your favor in so many ways. Being able to identify the meaning of certain vocal tones, facial expressions, and body language will create barriers and boundaries. You’ll be able to identify what they’re comfortable with and be able to accommodate accordingly.