Being single is usually seen as something negative – the person is lonely and alone, ultimately, unhappy. But being single does not necessarily mean that you are unhappy. Think about it, there are plenty of people who are single, but live very full and happy lives. Take Kendall Jenner for example. She’s a beautiful young woman, who lives a very face paced and happy life – and she’s doing it alone.
Instead of unhappiness being attached to being single, it should be a list of other things like, being single gives me time to learn about other people – what you want and don’t want. There is also the bonus of not having a lot of ex drama, because will not have the ex’s to cause all of that drama – trust me it’s a relief. Being single also give the time to work on yourself, and learn about yourself. Self-love is important, and if you can’t love yourself, you won’t be able to give love to a significant other.
You have to be happy by yourself first, before you can share that with someone else because if you don’t, you happiness will be conditional; dependent on someone else. What if that relationship doesn’t work out? That can be a hard blow for anyone, but for someone who can’t, or doesn’t know how to love themselves when they are alone, will leave them always miserable, always aware that you are alone. Hating yourself for it, always seeing the bad in it. For example, I was going to a restaurant, Buffalo Wild Wings – I love their chicken – and got a table for one. At the time, I didn’t have love for myself, and I started to think, “I am going to look ridiculous sitting here alone. Why am I here by myself? This is depressing and awkward, I should just leave,” and I did not enjoy myself.
But I had to realize that I was putting too much of my happiness in the hands of someone else, that wasn’t even there. I started to question, “why am I not enough, when did I stop being enough for me? Do I want to be happy?” I couldn’t think of a reason for me to not be enough, and I did want to be happy, and in order for me to do that, I had to be ok with being single. So that meant taking myself out, and dressing up just for me, and understanding that I am beautiful, not because I needed someone else to tell me that, but because I feel it.
So when I went out, and got a table for myself I would say, “more for me, less for me to pay, and the faster I can get my food. Plus I deserve this, I am treating myself.” At first, of course it was awkward for me, but then I became comfortable with it, then moved on to be happy with it because I had learned to love myself. Once I had gotten to the point of loving myself, I didn’t have to tell myself these things anymore, I didn’t have to think about it, because was, am, happy and continent. Because I learned this love, I am happy being my single self. Plus I have time to get things done and focus on myself, which is always a bonus.
I know some of you are saying, “yeah, that sounds great and all, but what about the holidays?”
Of course there are those holidays that succeed in its job of making most feel void of companionship, like Valentine’s Day, at least it did for me. But the way to get away from that lonely feeling is realizing that Valentine’s Day, like most holidays that people celebrate, is a celebration of relationships. Now here is where you’ll have to pay close attention. Take the meaning about it being a celebration of relationships very literal. A celebration of relationships is not restricted to the relationships of spouses, but any type of relationship.
Sure there kind of relationship that society says that we should celebrate – it’s kind of hard to miss the cues… and all of the red. But we don’t only have relationships with our significant other, and those aren’t the only ones worth valuing. For example, one year for Valentine’s Day I went to the movies with my best friend, and had a fun girl’s night, and we are both happily single college students.
Another thing to keep in mind about relationships between significant others is that not all of those relationships are good. There is the fact that there are many who are not single, in relationships, and are very unhappy. These relationships are deemed toxic, for good and obvious reasons, and therefore gives the two people apart of that relationship a little bit of something that is mistaken for happiness, and a lot more misery. So it’s ok, be single, take your time, be picky (by this I mean to never lower your standards) because you can. Being single and not lowering your standards does not mean you can’t, or get, a boyfriend or girlfriend. It just means that you standards to find the right person, and not settling, which will make you happy now, and in the long run… just enjoy yourself.
I want to be clear that you know that I am not at all anti- relationship, or saying that relationships are bad. But what I am trying to emphasize is that it’s ok to be single, to be happy does not mean to seek out and have a relationship – that should just be a bonus to your already full and happy life.